and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
