Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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