I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
