i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
