How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
