are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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