I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
