now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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