Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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