Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
