I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
