We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
