If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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