I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
