Small penises have feelings too.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
