The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
