How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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