Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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