I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
