Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
