if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The air was thick with penises
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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