everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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