mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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