so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
