Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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