dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
