you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
