it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
