I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
