you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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