I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
