go do what you do best...puke behind churches
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
