He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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