do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
