Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
