I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
