I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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