Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
