so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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