Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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