What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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