I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
