I wanna bring you to show and tell
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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