what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
