I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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