His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
