Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
