i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
