he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
