i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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