Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
